There is one word that is a destroyer of sexual connection in long-term relationships.
That word is: “fine.”
“Hey honey, how are you.”
“Really? You seem upset.”
“I said I’m fine.”
In the modern world, we live surrounded by people. As children, we went school with hundreds of other kids. We have adapted to this crowding by developing ways of staying emotionally distant, and for good reason. Imagine walking around your city and everyone you come into contact with starts telling you about their pain, heartache, or fears. It would be too much, so we learn to be “fine,” or “good,” all the time.
While this behavior makes living in cities more bearable, it is detrimental to our sexual relationship. Exposing our feelings keeps the love and sexual energy flowing.
This is why empathy training, emotional intelligence, and workshops that focus on intimacy are so invaluable. It takes support, modeling, and serious commitment to change our deeply ingrained habits of hiding from one another.